Ha Ha Ha... Love it.

This is hilarious. Time to wake up people, no one cares what you are doing every second of every day. If you ask me, narcissism is the biggest hurdle our generation is going to have to overcome.

Lessons Learned

For some reason, I can't sleep. So I bring you: lessons learned.

I learned this lesson a while ago, but I'm just now remembering how funny it was, even at the time. So my friend and I (we'll call her J for anonymity's sake, but she knows who she is) were having a pint down at our local pub (okay, so even though we're not British, we can dream, right?) and we got to napkin writing. I was explaining the virtues of Flarf poetry to her, and then we got into Lambertism. Anyway, the following is actual photographic proof that poetry and alcohol do not mix. Unless you're trying to be funny.

And if you want to know what it says but can't read the writing, here's the translation:

L

The goat wants a glass

of honey for the sparrows

in the laundromat.

J

Beer for the masses in quantities

beyond belief make drunk fishes

that swim in circles that

create the currents in the ocean

& control giant snowmen in Africa

L

Charity lies in the new

red flag and the children

want molecules of pure

fog in their pails of

gruel for the hamsters

J

Light fragments & the pretty

people of the world control

cursive writing and dance in

endless meaningless until the

music falls like raindrops onto

pillows of cotton crowns

L

The lucky prank finds gold

in the bottles of skunk juice

and the lettuce fingers wants

a bloody nail to puncture the

truth in justice of chiffon

J

Silver knives and silver bells are not so

varied in Mars atmosphere crazines

where Lindsay learns lollypops while chewing

phones to little stars and launches

rockets into dreams far away into Peter

Pans NL

L

Do you want a sausage tree

to grow in the land of

carrots? what would comets

bring to the party of licentious

mandibles and frank lilacs?

J

Hot dogs and corn pops float in the batter

of dog hairs and levitate beings from

another world until vapors of putrid

sweat stain the bedsheets in kings

llama and bows of satin.

L

Cerulean salt breath in landmines

of caramel and coral beads

of sweat on a carousel of pigeons

in a pineapple of ruby altruistic

notions and lotions of milk and

honey bush tea trees.

J

Photos of buckets and steam of movies

sound the alarms of fire president of

ill and fate fall in sand dunes and

cry bold rivers of forks that receive

great compliments of Harmony & Love

pandas in the lower basin of Guilt.

L

I WANT A LION MADE OF

FERRETS, SUGAR BEETS, AND STARS TO

BE MY FAMILIAR.

J

MEE TOO!

L

THE END!

OUR PROSE RUNS LIKE RIVULETS

As you can see, it deteriorated into a warped stream-of-consciousness exercise. At least we weren't bored!

Remember When...

Cartoons were actually good?
This was one of my favorites growing up. Hilarious!

My Exciting News!

I am going to be published!
Words can't even begin to describe how excited I am right now. This has given me the energy boost I needed to finish up work on a few of my projects. If you are interested in buying a copy of the book my story will be in, the website is here: http://patchworkpath.com/index_files/ppdb09.htm

Now back to our regularly scheduled blog.

Spam Poetry

I love this:

http://poemsmadefromspam.blogspot.com/

He's Just Not That Into You...Really?

It's been a few years since Greg Behrendt's co-authored book came out. It was featured on talk shows across the nation, and even sparked the creation of his own talk show (short-lived as it was). Now, there's a movie coming out with the same title, and it promises a comedic female journey into romantic situations in which "he's just not that into you".

But I'm not buyin' it.

When the book came out, I thought to myself, "Really? that's all there is to it?" and I watched as thousands of women flocked to buy the book and find out the reasons behind male behavior. It gave a blanket excuse for the mistreatment of women (or at least all the jerk moves that guys pull) in the form of a simplified statement. It was intended as a revelation, meant to enlighten and relieve women of the stress of trying to figure out the mystery of why he doesn't call. However, I found the statement "he's just not that into you" to be insulting. It assumes that women just sit around all day, pining for men to come to their senses and are clueless as to their actions.

I tried to offer the statement as comfort to a girlfriend once when she was bemoaning the status of her relationship with a certain guy. He wasn't calling her, he only wanted to hang out once a week, so I suggested, "Maybe he's just not that into you," thinking that it would give her peace and let her off the hook to move on. Instead, she said, "Well what's wrong with me? Why isn't he into me?" It hit me that by giving the responsibility to the man to decide whether or not he's into us, we take away the power we have over our own feelings. If you spend all of your time trying to figure out whether or not he's into you, you're going to lose sight of the fact that you may not really be into him.

As modern women we are pushed to go to college, start a career and be successful at it, find a man, have children, be a mom, get the promotion, etc. It can be a lot to fit onto one plate, and "finding a man" shouldn't be something we need to worry about. Do you ever hear a man complaining about how he needs to find a woman? No, because for one thing most men aren't marriage obsessed and for another they don't have to worry about the window in which they can have children.

So here's my advice to all the women out there who are worried that "he's just not that into you": stop it.

Stop worrying about whether or not he's into you, listen to your own feelings, and let them develop at a slower pace so that you can really understand them. Don't focus so much on the need to get him into a committed relationship. Just let things happen naturally, relax, and enjoy getting to know the person you are dating. Then, if he doesn't call you won't feel the need to obsess and analyze ever single interaction you've ever had with him.

Now, as for the movie... we can only hope that it doesn't continue to drum this idea into our collective female psyche.

Who cares if he's not into you? The truth is he probably wasn't worth your time anyway.

Wordstock 2008

I've been meaning to document my Wordstock experience for a while now, but with the holidays and everything going on this time of year it has unfortunately fallen to the side. If you get a chance to check out Wordstock next year, I would highly recommend going. They have many volunteer opportunities, and it's a great chance to mingle with other readers and writers.

The way that they have it set up is very conducive to mingling. The booths range in subject from publishing companies to writers' groups. I picked up some great info at the Willamette Writers' table as well as the Women's Writing booth. It's great to see so many classes and organizations devoted to the progression of the art form.

Also saw some great lit magazines and journals being represented, I can't wait to explore those one of these rainy days.

The job that I had as a volunteer was to usher the speakers to their stages and make sure everything was organized and on time. The first group I walked with was Ellen Heltzel, Mark Sarvas, Stewart O'Nan, and Floyd Skloot. They did a panel on "The Book Review Crisis" which I found really stimulating, as I often review or recommend books on this blog. I've been a follower of Sarvas's blog for some time now and I have read a couple of Heltzel's reviews, and I was really excited to hear what they had to say. The foremost topic of discussion was the part that the internet plays in book reviewing, and what that means for authors and reviews alike. The impact that the internet has as well as the interest the industry has in how readers determine what books they will read were also discussed. Personally, I tend to get book recommendations from friends, and when I really like something, I'll post it on here. I think the interent is a great way to make books of all genres accessible to all people.

I also got to have short conversations with Kevin Cook and Jennie Shortridge, they were both very nice, and as I haven't read any of their work yet, it's next on my list.

The highlight though, was being asked by an elderly woman to walk her to the author's waiting room. I was done volunteering for the day, but still had the shirt on, and I was glad to help her as she was having a small amount of difficulty with her cane. As we walked she asked me if I am a writer. I responded that I am in the process of writing, and it's a dream I'm hoping to pursue more in the coming years. She told me I am still young, and she recommended the 'Attic workshops', she said they helped her cultivate her passion. I did not get her name, but I've been searching to find out who she is as I know she has several volumes of poetry out, and I would like to read them. Hopefully I can find out soon.

Well, that's it for now, I plan on volunteering again next year as it was extremely gratifying!