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I love this:
http://poemsmadefromspam.blogspot.com/
AND THE DEAD SHALL RISE ...
6 years ago
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
He's Just Not That Into You...Really?
It's been a few years since Greg Behrendt's co-authored book came out. It was featured on talk shows across the nation, and even sparked the creation of his own talk show (short-lived as it was). Now, there's a movie coming out with the same title, and it promises a comedic female journey into romantic situations in which "he's just not that into you".
But I'm not buyin' it.
When the book came out, I thought to myself, "Really? that's all there is to it?" and I watched as thousands of women flocked to buy the book and find out the reasons behind male behavior. It gave a blanket excuse for the mistreatment of women (or at least all the jerk moves that guys pull) in the form of a simplified statement. It was intended as a revelation, meant to enlighten and relieve women of the stress of trying to figure out the mystery of why he doesn't call. However, I found the statement "he's just not that into you" to be insulting. It assumes that women just sit around all day, pining for men to come to their senses and are clueless as to their actions.
I tried to offer the statement as comfort to a girlfriend once when she was bemoaning the status of her relationship with a certain guy. He wasn't calling her, he only wanted to hang out once a week, so I suggested, "Maybe he's just not that into you," thinking that it would give her peace and let her off the hook to move on. Instead, she said, "Well what's wrong with me? Why isn't he into me?" It hit me that by giving the responsibility to the man to decide whether or not he's into us, we take away the power we have over our own feelings. If you spend all of your time trying to figure out whether or not he's into you, you're going to lose sight of the fact that you may not really be into him.
As modern women we are pushed to go to college, start a career and be successful at it, find a man, have children, be a mom, get the promotion, etc. It can be a lot to fit onto one plate, and "finding a man" shouldn't be something we need to worry about. Do you ever hear a man complaining about how he needs to find a woman? No, because for one thing most men aren't marriage obsessed and for another they don't have to worry about the window in which they can have children.
So here's my advice to all the women out there who are worried that "he's just not that into you": stop it.
Stop worrying about whether or not he's into you, listen to your own feelings, and let them develop at a slower pace so that you can really understand them. Don't focus so much on the need to get him into a committed relationship. Just let things happen naturally, relax, and enjoy getting to know the person you are dating. Then, if he doesn't call you won't feel the need to obsess and analyze ever single interaction you've ever had with him.
Now, as for the movie... we can only hope that it doesn't continue to drum this idea into our collective female psyche.
Who cares if he's not into you? The truth is he probably wasn't worth your time anyway.
But I'm not buyin' it.
When the book came out, I thought to myself, "Really? that's all there is to it?" and I watched as thousands of women flocked to buy the book and find out the reasons behind male behavior. It gave a blanket excuse for the mistreatment of women (or at least all the jerk moves that guys pull) in the form of a simplified statement. It was intended as a revelation, meant to enlighten and relieve women of the stress of trying to figure out the mystery of why he doesn't call. However, I found the statement "he's just not that into you" to be insulting. It assumes that women just sit around all day, pining for men to come to their senses and are clueless as to their actions.
I tried to offer the statement as comfort to a girlfriend once when she was bemoaning the status of her relationship with a certain guy. He wasn't calling her, he only wanted to hang out once a week, so I suggested, "Maybe he's just not that into you," thinking that it would give her peace and let her off the hook to move on. Instead, she said, "Well what's wrong with me? Why isn't he into me?" It hit me that by giving the responsibility to the man to decide whether or not he's into us, we take away the power we have over our own feelings. If you spend all of your time trying to figure out whether or not he's into you, you're going to lose sight of the fact that you may not really be into him.
As modern women we are pushed to go to college, start a career and be successful at it, find a man, have children, be a mom, get the promotion, etc. It can be a lot to fit onto one plate, and "finding a man" shouldn't be something we need to worry about. Do you ever hear a man complaining about how he needs to find a woman? No, because for one thing most men aren't marriage obsessed and for another they don't have to worry about the window in which they can have children.
So here's my advice to all the women out there who are worried that "he's just not that into you": stop it.
Stop worrying about whether or not he's into you, listen to your own feelings, and let them develop at a slower pace so that you can really understand them. Don't focus so much on the need to get him into a committed relationship. Just let things happen naturally, relax, and enjoy getting to know the person you are dating. Then, if he doesn't call you won't feel the need to obsess and analyze ever single interaction you've ever had with him.
Now, as for the movie... we can only hope that it doesn't continue to drum this idea into our collective female psyche.
Who cares if he's not into you? The truth is he probably wasn't worth your time anyway.
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